3 First Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms I Thought I Wouldn’t Have…But Did.

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I thought everyone was exaggerating when they talked about how hard being pregnant is and all the weird shit that happens.  I was wrong.

admin-ajax (2) 1. Exhaustion.

I know. I know everyone says this. I kinda thought they were lying.

I’m a generally healthy person…I eat healthy (sometimes), I exercise (sometimes), I don’t smoke or do drugs. I’m also a bit of a productivity freak and need to be “doing something” all the time.  That something is often watching parks and rec in my pajamas eating peanut butter from the jar while writing my to-do list in pretty colors… But! I’m usually out of the house all day driving around LA to auditions, (Typical day = drive an hour to audition. Wait an hour. Audition for 3 minutes. Drive two hours home in traffic. Thank god for audiobooks.) going to yoga or on a hike, having lunch with friends, or running errands…normal, albeit slightly obnoxious, actor life.

So at 6 weeks pregnant, when the exhaustion hit me like a freight train, I was mentally unprepared.

My favorite pregnancy book said it best

“the exhaustion is so intense it’s almost liberating, you have no choice.”

That is 1 billion percent true.
I thought I would stay a normal human at least for the first few months of pregnancy. Cue hysterical laughter from other moms.

My thought process in the morning started as…

“Ok, so after groceries I’ll run to the….I’m asleep.”

And later, advanced to …

“Well, that was a delicious breakfast of saltines next to my bed, it’s probably time for my mid morning nap…I’m asleep.”

And then landed on…

“Give me Cheetos- I’m asleep.”

Embrace it. Because once the alien in your stomach starts tap dancing on your cervix? Sleep is a distant memory.

admin-ajax (2) 2. Food aversions.

My baby hated bacon from weeks 6-12. Thus, I hated my baby. Ok. I didn’t hate him. But I seriously questioned his mental functions and life choices. At 12 weeks on the day…he loved it again. I celebrated by eating half a package in 4 minutes.

admin-ajax (2) 3. Bloating.

How do my pants not fit already and my kid is the size of a fingernail? And dear lord. The gas. It’s so….so unpleasant and surprising. It ends up being very good for the rest of the world that you are sleeping all day, at home, far far away from anyone else’s olfactory glands.

Even the dogs avoid you.

Luckily, you don’t want to eat vegetables at all ever EVER IN THE WORLD KEEP VEGETABLES AWAY FROM ME DEVIL FOOD. So it’s less horrific than it could be…cheeto farts are preferable to broccoli farts.

Because, Science.

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What first trimester symptoms were you not expecting?

3 Comments

  • Ashley B.
    Reply

    So agree. Also, I think at some point when all I could eat were cheeseburgers and an occasional hot dog, I cried while staring at my hot dog dinner and Jordan said I was snotting and crying “I just want a salad! I just want to eat avocado again! BUT I CAN’T!!!!!”

    Thank god for tacos… cheeseburgers… BAGELS! All the carbs. ALL. OF. THEM!

  • Lynn
    Reply

    My eating horrified my husband. I think all the Cheetos is a universal thing. I remember having a break down at work because some jerk said “I thought you were gluten free” and I screamed and cried at them “corn isn’t gluten you idiot! Go away!” I actually have celiac 🙁 I almost murdered a teenage boy for bringing in a free sandwich ring and coffee while I was the only one in the office at the time. Legit terrified that kid….

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