my baby is a shit machine

My Baby is a Shit Machine


So newborn poo is fickle.  Some babies poo once a week.  Some a few times a day.  According to our pediatrician, anyways.

Our son is a poo-er.  He came out poo-ing.

No, really.


As he was being born (via c-section), this is what we heard:

Doctor- “Ok! We have a baby butt! (He was breech) Oh! And we have poop!  Oh …woah….so much poop….holy….he’s still pooping! (Laughter) ….holy shit…well, he has no more poop in him!  Aaaaaand we have a baby!!!

I looked at the nurse who gestured with her hands that it was a GIANT poo.  We laughed…and then they lifted his grumpy little face over the screen and we forgot about everything else in the world.

And now, 10 days in.  He’s an expert shitter.  Without fail-he will poo:

admin-ajax (2)   Within 5 minutes of putting him in anything cute.

admin-ajax (2)  On his pediatrician at his first visit.

admin-ajax (2)  Anytime my mom makes a comment about how cute and/or peaceful he is.

admin-ajax (2) And (here’s the kicker) EVERY night after the middle-of-the-night feed, RIGHT after my husband has changed and swaddled him and put him back to bed.


These are not small poos.

These are not silent poos.

These are earth shattering, wet, explosive poos that sound like soggy school lunches being poured into a vat.

They are horrifying.


And hysterical.

Especially at 3am, when the sleep deprivation is full on, and we are delirious.

And I’m recovering from a c-section.

Laughing is THE WORST.

So every night, I walk the tightrope of giving in to the tear-filled hysterics that fill my heart with joy, and trying as hard as possible to ignore it because laughter sends shooting pain through my abdomen to every part of my being.

I usually give in.

Because laughter is the absolute best.

And I didn’t realize how much we laugh in this house until it was painful.

So in a weird way, I’m grateful for the pain, because it made me see something I had taken for granted.

admin-ajax (2)That my husband, that my family, make me LAUGH.

All the time.  Constantly.  There is so much laughter and silliness in this house.  Through the sleepless nights and the stress of adult-ing.  We laugh.

admin-ajax (2)Grateful.

Oh…I have to go, my kid just shit himself again.



What do your kids do that makes you laugh?

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